Grateful In The Muck

5 ways to find gratitude when life feels like shit.

So, it’s Thanksgiving week here in the U.S. There’s lots of talk about being thankful, lots of dysfunctional family gatherings, lots of booze-drenched meet-ups with old friends trickling back into town, and (thank fuck) lots of cheesy, carby, gravy-covered vegetables to be enjoyed. Yes, we have entered the “Happiest Time of the Year.” The time of year when happy couples and families don themselves in matching cashmere pajamas and post pictures in front of their perfect holiday aesthetic. The time of year when even the weather seems to mock those struggling to find their sense of holiday cheer. Perfect snowflakes falling on a crisp, late November morning can feel cruel to someone who’s life is currently giving more Winter’s Bone than Miracle on 34th Street. It can be hard to find glimmers any time of year when we are struggling but there may be no greater challenge than sifting through the Hallmark bullshit during the holiday season when you can’t find the Wonderful in your Life.

Luckily for you, I’ve deep dived in the muck myself-hell, I built a little house down there and ate muck for breakfast, lunch, second lunch, and dinner for a bit. I know the muck. I know that when you’re in it there is no one on this planet that could convince you your muck is not that mucky. I will not do that. I promise. Your muck is mucky AF and that sucks, I’m sorry. What I will do is offer a few tried and true possible perspective shifting options. NOT solutions, just little brain tricks that I believe can spark moments of gratitude which is the only way any of us eventually get out of the muck. (I know, maddening.)

• Annihilate your routine. Stop doing the same things every single day in the exact same order giving you exactly the same feelings that we have established you do not like. Change something. I’m not talking about suddenly becoming a morning person or adopting some impossible A.M. wellness routine-think more pancakes instead of cereal or physical newspaper instead of an app. When we introduce a new experience into our day, early in our day, our mind starts allowing space for more new experiences to occur. One of my personal favs is screaming as loud as humanly possible into the mirror after I brush my teeth. Ya know, change it up a lil bit.

• Make something. Literally anything. Have a pen and some paper lying around? An old grocery list? An empty pizza box? Draw a smiley face on it. Voila. Art. Better yet-get yourself a hot glue gun and attach the old grocery list to the paper to the pizza box and draw a smiley face on it. (I know someone just thought to themselves, “Damn, that sounds awesome.”) When we get creative, even in the smallest ways, something connects in our brains and we start looking at problems and inconveniences creatively. Maybe you sing, maybe you write, maybe you build things, maybe you draw smiley faces. No matter what it is or how silly it seems making something using our creative intuition subconsciously reinforces that we have great ideas!

• Marvel at your body. Yes, that one-yours. Do you even know everything that your body can do? I guarantee you don’t. If you are able to move from one place to another with general ease don’t you think that’s worth celebrating? Bend, twirl, kick, jump, skip, crawl, flex, point, clap, wave, crouch, punch, and LEAP. Yes, leap. Just start moving. Turn on some music, close the curtains, lock the bedroom door, and go absolutely nuts. Allow yourself to move and explore in any way that feels good no matter what it looks like, paying no mind to the choices, only intuition guiding you. I find this exercise particularly effective when a specific negative thought is on repeat in my mind. I perform an epic setlist for my plants and 9/10 times feel as though I’ve exorcized a demon from my mucky soul.

• Think about someone else’s problems. I don’t mean this in the ever-infuriating, “It could be worse,” context. I mean literally going and helping someone else with their tough time. The amount of serotonin that comes with generosity of time and spirit should be illegal. When you just can’t sit with your own bullshit any longer, when you cannot stomach looking at the laundry list of problems in your life for another second, go find someone else with a laundry list and take something off their plate. This could be volunteering, this time of year offers tons of opportunities to be of service, or it could be as simple as offering to return a cart at the grocery store for an elderly lady. Look for opportunities to help someone else. They are available everyday. The amount of gratitude that I’ve cultivated just from sharing about my sobriety story online could fuel me to the moon and back. I consider “giving back,” to be amongst the greatest of gratitude hacks.

• Take an honest inventory. Ok, so this one may piss some people off because we are edging into some joy and thanksgiving stuff. Get real. Make the list. What DO you have that is good? Well, if you’re reading this I deduce that you have a smartphone or some other sort of device that allows you to access the internet. Do you know how many COOL things are on the internet?? Like a million at least. So, there’s that. Do you have something to keep you warm while you stay in bed when things are too much? Do you have access to something to eat when you get hungry? Is there anyone in the world who’s number you could call in case of emergency? These are not small things. In fact, I would argue these are the most important things I have on my list.

Maybe you’ll try some of these muck-releasing actions. Maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll say muck it. That’s ok too. Sometimes things are just mucked up. Just know that you, too, belong here in this world. No matter what life looks like today, your future is unwritten and it might be really special. Your muck story might end up being someone else’s survival guide. Your unmucking journey might serendipitously lead you to helping someone else unmuck their own. There is joy in the muck. There is endless beauty in the muck. The muck offers contrast to the soft green grass you will find yourself upon sooner than you think. Whether you’re gearing up for another holiday season without a passed on loved one (like me), or preparing for the onslaught of disapproving eyes at the upcoming family dinners, or longing for the day when you will be part of one of those cashmere-covered photos, a mom or dad holding tight to a family of their own-you can do this. You were literally made for it. Keep your eyes peeled for the glimmers and tell those intrusive thoughts to go MUCK THEMSELVES.