Spring Cleaning: Early Sobriety Requires A Purge

What stays, who goes, and when does this get easier?

When I asked my Instagram following recently which topics they most wanted covered here on Substack, the overwhelming majority mentioned early sobriety and how to actually make it stick. I love seeing this because it tells me there are A LOT of folks out there actively trying to get sober right now and honestly the timing is perfect. As we move into the second half of May, the weather is warming up and the color has returned to our cities. Flowers are blooming, the grass is getting greener, and the sun is hanging around a bit longer. Spring is a powerful time to reevaluate and reorder our lives. Much like a good ole spring cleaning session, sobriety requires us to purge what we do not want to take with us into the next season. I want to lay out some steps for you to follow if you have found yourself longing for a sober life and can’t quite seem to make it work. We are going to cover the preparation, the execution, and the commitment you’re going to need for a sober summer.

I don’t know about you but sometimes nothing is more effective than a to do list. Similarly, I have found a “not to do” list equally helpful (and sometimes we don’t know what to do right?) so you might have more success starting there. Well, we know the goal is to stop drinking, but the real challenge is to eliminate the drinking triggers and make it much harder to pick up the booze in the first place. This is where we start purging. First, and this may seem obvious but you’d be surprised how many people skip this step, REMOVE THE ALCOHOL FROM YOUR HOUSE. All of it. You can pour it down the drain while you play some dramatic music and pretend you’re the protagonist in an indie film who is about to have one of those cinematic glow-ups that changes the course of her entire life (spoiler alert: you are.) You can toss the unopened or half empty bottles directly into your dumpster, extra credit if you do it with enough force to bust a few into tiny shards and scare your neighbors (please be careful). You can take the box of booze to said neighbor or a friend or a colleague just so long as you don’t spend just as much time at this person’s house as your own, hence defeating the purpose. Just get rid of the shit anyway you please.

After the bottles have been tossed, or drained, or dropped off, or blown to smithereens, it’s time to address the social environment. Just as you’ve rid your home of boozy triggers you’re gonna have to do the same when it comes to where you’re spending your time outside of the house. There are probably a handful of bars or restaurants you frequent with drinking pals on a regular basis and while at some point in the future you’ll be able to go to those bars happily sober, they need to be added to the “not to do” list for now. So much of our drinking habit is just that…habitual. We arrive to happy hour at ‘X’ and proceed to order the same beer or cocktail or glass of wine that we do every Thursday, and without much thought, start going through the motions. Chances are that the bartenders know you, they often times place your drink of choice down in front of you before you have time to remove your coat and take your seat. This is not going to work in early sobriety. Once that drink is in front of you all bets are off and it’s easier to just say thank you and put off your sober goals til tomorrow. Avoid places where your choice to NOT drink will be met with questions. The best way to do this is to prepare. Clear your calendar of meet-ups that center around drinking. Get honest with yourself about what’s realistic. Are you really going to go sit for three hours in a bar where historically you’ve always imbibed and not be tempted or at the very least feel awkward? This is about intention. If your intention is to stop drinking, stop going to the places you drank. We will get into ordering NA drinks when you’re out a bit later on but for now you’ve got to remove yourself from environments that are not conducive to maintaining your alcohol-free status. Yes, this means spending a lot more time at home on your own. No, that doesn’t make you boring or mean you’re a loser. It means you’re serious.

Some people are just gonna have to go. There’s no flowery way to say it, some of your friends and acquaintances are toxic. There’s no judgement here, but we have to get brutal when taking inventory. Can you remain friends with people who still drink? Of course! Can you spend a majority of your free time with heavy drinkers and expect to find joy and inspiration in your sobriety? Hell no. I remember when I first got sober and the difference in comfort I felt around certain people. When I was with friends who also weren’t drinking or at the very least were incredibly supportive and encouraging of my decision I rarely felt tempted to drink and generally had more confidence in the situation. I would head home feeling so proud and filled up from connecting on a more grounded level. When I spent time with friends or groups of people who were binge drinking I was almost always met with some sort of pressure to join in whether that be direct or indirect. A wave of anxiety would wash over the entire experience and I’d leave feeling exhausted and like I might never fit in or have a good time again if I didn’t drink. We need to protect our minds during those first days, weeks, and months. Hell, I still have to protect myself from mindless drinking culture at over four years sober. It’s corrosive. So much of this sobriety journey is about feeling empowered and celebrated for that choice, so only spend time with people who reinforce that for you, not challenge it. Everyone I know who has gotten sober has seen their social circles shift. This is part of the process. You’ve made this choice because you want a change. If you’re trying to get sober then you already know that alcohol is holding you back. There may be a few people that are holding you back too. Release your white-knuckle grip on friendships. When everything settles you will have a clearer understanding of who deserves space in your life and who you need to let go of.

When it comes to committing to your sobriety, you need to establish your “why?” Why are you doing this incredibly difficult thing? Why are you bucking the system and challenging social norms? Why are you sacrificing instant gratification and perhaps a chunk of your social circle for a lifestyle that is totally foreign to you? Because you’re a MF gangsta, obviously, but aside from that, you’ve got to find a specific reason that you can really sink your teeth into. Your “why” could be “because I turn into an unpredictable, feral bitch when I drink,” or “because I wake up with a horrible headache every single time and it ruins my day,” or “because I have this nagging feeling that I’m gonna miss out on an amazing opportunity if I don’t get focused about where my life is going.” It could be your kids, your health, your marriage, your creative life, your financial goals, your mental wellness, or that teeny, weeny, yellow, polka-dot bikini that you’ve been putting into your cart every night but never ordering. It really doesn’t matter as long as it’s motivating to YOU. When we really want something, when not achieving it is no longer an option, when the fear of losing it is greater than the fear of what’s required to keep it-we design our entire lives around that goal. That is what sobriety is going to require of you. That is what those goals are going to require of you. Find your “why.” Write it down. Look at it often. Your “why” must be stronger than your excuses.

You’ve committed to giving this everything you’ve got. You’ve prepared your home, you’ve established your “why,” and you’ve cleared out the triggering people, places, and things from your life. Now you have to sit with yourself and all of those feelings. Yikes. I know. Lean in. This early period of sobriety is nothing less than sacred. It’s a homecoming. I want you to treat yourself like the most precious, tiny child, for whom you would move heaven and earth to keep safe and happy. Don’t future trip or get lost down the rabbit hole of where this is all going, if it will produce the results you want, or whether you’ll be able to maintain it forever. The number one goal today is simply do not drink. That might mean a pint of ice cream every night before bed instead of wine. That might mean sleeping ten hours a night plus an hourlong nap. That might mean binge watching every season of Succession for the fifth time while eating the ice cream. That might mean reading a dozen books about sobriety or listening to back to back podcasts. That might mean long weekends on your own, going on walks, soaking in bubble baths, and crying to a dramatic playlist. I call this “bubbling.” This is where we put ourselves in a protective bubble of soberness. Nothing gets in that doesn’t get us closer to one more day. It’s going to look different for everyone. There’s no wrong way to stop drinking, there is only the way that works for you.

I’ve found that keeping plenty of interesting drink options stocked in my refrigerator is vital. In the beginning, kombucha was my replacement for a wine craving, flavored sparkling water with slices of fruit and a splash of juice was a nice swap for mixed drinks, and NA beers were a nice treat on a hot summer day in the garden. I’m a big fan of the booze-free drink options and have tried nearly every alcohol-removed wine, NA cocktail, and zero-proof spirit on the market. This is a personal choice but I’ve found them incredibly helpful, if not absolutely necessary to my sustained sobriety.

Don’t fret about the amount of sugar you’re eating or drinking, your body is adjusting to not getting it from the booze. This is not the time to pressure yourself to dive into childhood trauma or solve the climate crisis-just don’t drink. I think where a lot of people go wrong is looking way too far down the road when all they really need to conquer is the day at hand. You do not have to have all the answers or know exactly what it is that you’re doing, you just have to keep moving forward. Each day you refuse to drink is a force of momentum, adding up to a natural routine. Don’t underestimate the power of small, intentional actions towards any goal whether that’s sobriety or a creative dream or a healthier body or a fatter bank account.

The sobriety movement is a massive revolution in the way we view health, wellness, and human connection and it’s not showing any signs of stopping. Over half of Gen Z reports not drinking any alcohol at all and non-alc beverage sales have gone up 500% since 2015. Getting sober now means you are going to emerge from your sober bubble into a brand new world for non-drinkers. The options are endless and growing, the language is shifting to include more and more folks who don’t want to drink anymore but don’t identify as alcoholics or addicts, and women specifically are awakening to the power of their dollar and where they put it. The time is now.

I know it seems pretty overwhelming on day one to imagine how the hell you’re going to sustain this lifestyle when all you’ve ever known is booze-soaked girls nights, wasted Sunday brunches, and a quick drink to “take the edge off.” Still, if you stick with it, prioritize your decision to stay sober, design your life in a way that serves your “why,” and embrace a bit of solitude and reflection-you may just find that you prefer your “edge.” Sobriety sticks when we like it, when it’s better than the life we had before. Transformation takes time and a lot of people quit right before the magic happens. The key to finding success in sobriety is finding real joy in it, making it the preferred modus operandi. Most importantly, get creative with your healing. You are unique and layered and complex and multidimensional so it’s natural that your methods will be too. Spring has arrived, the stage is set for great change. It’s out with the old, redefining the new, and waiting patiently for the seed to sprout.